0 Midnight Post

So yeah I'm writing this during midnight. I figured that I should take a break from writing any politic related issue for a while as I have much more concerning matters. World is a better world with clean politics but that is just a hope, embraced by everyone but the politicians. Some of them.


Well let's just leave it at that. Master degree has started to strike me very hard. I think I had much of, well maybe we can say honeymoon? During my first semester, I guess I had a wrong impression towards Master. I gotta say, first semester was an easy ride. Not the exam, in terms of assignments. Yes it was an easy ride. For one whole semester, I only had one assignment. But yes, this semester, it strikes me very hard that it reminded me, I am now doing Master. It is not gonna be the same as doing degree.


For some reason, I was also reminded, how my other friends are doing with their Master. My class only kicks in during weekend. Saturday and Sunday. I had plenty of time I must say. But the rest of them, at other university, the class goes on for several days in a week. I'm grateful to be honest that the class only during weekend. Because when the real Master degree assignments kicked in, you don't even have time for other things. You will end up browsing the net for journals, references and whatever materials you can dig in for information.


Doing Master is definitely not the same. If I was back then, doing assignment by just going through the net for 1 hour and I can finish several assignments, right now, even the assignment felt different. No matter how hard you try to search, you might get the info, but you can feel it that it is not enough and you are definitely concern that it is not enough.


Back then during degree year, we would go on labeled some people as perfectionist. Of course, being a perfectionist is not even a bad thing. It is a good thing, it ensures that you are giving your best at your work. But for certain people, working with a perfectionist is tiring because they require you to do your best, to give your work on time, to give sufficient info in assignments, to inform them fast enough if the assignments are done, and the list goes on and on.


I was one of those certain people. Just like how my final year project supervisor once told me. Final year project for degree is a stepping stone to shape your mind. Yes it shapes your mind to prepare for the tougher world outside. It shapes your mind to prepare yourself for much more head shattering things in the future.


Slowly and slowly, I have turned into the kind of person that I was once tired off. As I keep progressing in my master, I can't help but notice, me, too, have slowly, changed into someone that goes for perfection and quality.
I can't help but feel flaws when I do my assignments
I can't help but thinking about my assignments even after I have finished it
I can't help but to re-check the assignment questions over and over just to make sure I have actually answered what was asked
I can't help but not being satisfied with ideas that being poured out by colleagues sometimes unless it is really undeniably brilliant
I can't help but get angry if my colleagues didn't reply about the assignment when I already send my part
I can't help but wanting a response about the progress of the current assignment


And yes, I shouldn't list all. I know its not a bad thing but yes, because the way you think have changed, it changed the way you behave. It makes you concern over things and I must say, I felt the pressure of doing assignments now more than I ever felt when I did my final year project during degree. My head hurts so much that I had to rest more, I got angry over small things, I can't think carefully and my judgement was so clouded that I can't think and judge things carefully for few days.


Now that I have learned to understand it's not gonna be easy, I should work harder to pursue the remaining semesters. Wish me all the best and I hope your prayer will be with me, pray for my strength, success and the best. Thanks :)


P.S: Listening to After Break Up (rough chinese translation of  分开以后), hen haoting ruguo ni xianzai ting yi ting. at wee hour :)